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Hi, my name is Rick…this is my story
I’m 48 years old and was diagnosed at 36 with RRMS. 1st exacerbation I lost all feeling in my body, it steadily went numb. Almost a year later the feeling began to return, in reverse of how it started. The end result being only my left hand has remained numb. (Great when needing to get finger jabbed for a blood sample) My wife (of almost 24 years ) and I live in a small rural community in Saskatchewan, Canada. Doctors believe I have had MS since I was a teenager. Looking back, I recognize the symptom that has plagued me all my adult life as fatigue. My former personal diagnoses of the flu! Then to add a little bit of spice, I had my 1st MS related Gran Mal seizure (epilepsy) in 1997, but the good news is my last seizure was July, 2003. I have been on Betaseron since March, 1998. It is the only therapy I have tried and seems to be working, touch wood. Life goes onward, so they say and indeed it
does. I learned that having
a positive attitude and learning about MS helped immensely.
Fear of the unknown can be very intimidating and debilitating.
Took me a few years to figure that one out! In my job, as an assistant/loan manager at a
financial institution, I was required to input data into spreadsheets
and analyze the results, interview customers and prepare loan
documentation as well as various other administrative duties. Over the
years the demands of the job became steadily harder to accomplish.
The ability to multi-task was an essential aspect of my job.
As time went on the ability to multi-task diminished
significantly. If
I was interrupted while concentrating on a task, I would have to
essentially start over when was I able to resume. Why couldn’t I
figure this apparently simple task out?
It was taking me longer and longer to accomplish what used to be
a routine task. A lot of the time I “couldn’t see the cart for the
horse”. My ability to
analyze data for loan applications became harder and harder to
accomplish. Instead of
working from 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
I was having to stay later and later at the office. I won’t even get into the MS memory thing….!
I became more and more frustrated and exhausted.
Demands of the job were affecting my friendships and energy
levels, friendships ended. I
stopped socializing, essentially my life consisted of work and home, I
had nothing left over for anyone or anything else. In the fall of 2004, the fatigue got to the
point where I could barely function. I would drag myself to the office
and fall asleep at my desk only to have my boss wake me and send me
home. Many mornings having a shower was all I could manage. On my 46th birthday, November 8, I
made it to the office, my boss had a talk with me and told me that I was
being put on long term disability effective
January 1, 2005. Essentially,
in my mind at the time, fired. Physically
I am still able to walk and to look at me you would not know that I have
a chronic illness. As the
saying goes “But You Don’t Look Sick?”
I remember being terrified, confused, thinking my life was over,
financial worries loomed up, etc. etc.
I closed my office door and phoned my wife to tell her the news.
Angry at my boss for not understanding that I was doing my best and
thinking, give me more time and I’ll beat this, only 9 more years till
early retirement. I did beat it.
After a year and a half of vegetating in my recliner, playing
games on my “new” playstation 2, watching movies and television I
started to feel better. My
energy level increased, worries and concerns about things beyond my
control receded. I started working on having a more positive attitude towards
my life, being happy with my life and most importantly I think, being
happy with me. I accepted that I would not be able to return to
my old job and in all likelihood never work again. I’ve discovered
that quality of life is more important than any job.
MS made me stop and smell the roses.
I had bought myself a ¼ horse mare a few of years ago, named
Kit, I started to
ride again. She gave birth
to a gorgeous ½ Arabian filly May 23, 2006 named Flirt, who is my baby
and I enjoy training her (still lots of work to do).
We purchased a camper and spent most of last summer camping. We
are hoping to learn to canoe this summer.
Take a few lessons and see if is for us. Maybe even get our bikes
out of storage, see if I remember how to ride one, they say you never
forget (Ms memory…lol). I enjoy gardening, flora and water. We have ponds and
waterfalls, fish, which I am now able to appreciate, and actually enjoy.
It is no longer a chore maintain the ponds, to weed and hoe, but
an enjoyable past time, which I still overdo at times.
I’ve learned not to feel guilty if tired and don’t feel like
doing anything. Appreciate
what I have. Out of a feeling of hopelessness and despair over 2 years
ago, life has gone on. Life does not end with MS, it does however take
a detour from our perceived plan of what we want to accomplish with it.
In our hectic busy lives most people aren’t able to even slow
down, let alone “Stop and Smell the Roses”. Appreciate what you have, not what you want. If meant to have you will obtain it. Most importantly always remember that none of us are alone and even though this illness affects all of us differently, we all have some symptom in common.
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